So, this is it

So, tomorrow is the day.  Deep breaths, girl, deep breaths.  Yeah, I am freaked out.  I know the chances are extremely slim that he will decide to blow off showing up for parole and come after us instead.  Logically, I realize that.  But not-so-logically,  I know that its a total crapshoot.  I don't know what his frame of mind is.  I don't know what being in prison these past 4+ years have done to him.  Maybe it made him scared and he'll do what he's supposed to because he certainly doesn't want to go back.  Or maybe it just made him crazier.  Who's to say he hasn't been in there waiting for the chance to get his revenge for all the wrongs I have committed against him?  (Keep in mind these are perceived wrongs.  Even though he was ridiculously violent and horrible to me in pretty much every way he could be, he still came out of it all feeling like he was the victim.  Pretty typical abuser attitude, but still it blows my mind sometimes. He wrote me a letter from prison when he was first locked up, telling me he forgave me for it all.  It would be good for a laugh if it weren't so scary to think that he has no remorse for any of it.). I have nothing to do with why he's been locked up - NOTHING. I was not even the victim of the crime he was locked up for. But I know he doesn't see it that way, because he always has to find someone else to blame for everything that goes wrong in his life.  I know there's only a slim chance that he'll show up at my door, but any chance is too much when your life is at stake. 

We'll be laying low for the weekend, probably for the next few months to be honest.  The kids know he's getting out, but they don't know that tomorrow is the day.  They leave on vacation this week with their grandparents and some family friends.  I don't want him to be in their minds, for them to be worrying rather than having fun.  I think I'm doing enough worrying for the lot of us.